Don’t Get Caught Looking Over the Fence

Beyond Comparison: Defining Your Own Excellence

Recently, I came across a quote on a social media feed from a good friend and colleague I rely on for collaboration and mentorship. The quote read, “The hardest decision in life is whether to try harder or walk away.” This resonated deeply with me; I have lived with this question and this reality. 

In reflection, I was brought back to the concept of peak performance and competitive excellence. There are two lessons in this concept:

1. Potential—The point of peak performance and competitive excellence is understanding your ceiling on potential. The point is to have the self-awareness to understand your ceiling and the internal drive to do everything possible to compete at a level as close to that ceiling as possible. 

2. Growth—There are times when we find ourselves in situations where our environment's ceiling is lower than our own. In such cases, trying harder may not result in growth but rather in frustration and stagnation.

The Unusual Opportunity

A few years back, a series of unexpected events led to my oldest son being invited to the state tennis tournament. This was no ordinary occurrence; it’s extremely rare for a team to send their number five player to such a prestigious event. However, the opportunity was there for him due to some unique circumstances.

Understandably, this led to some nervous conversations. At the time, he was a freshman in high school and new to tennis. He was fully aware that he would not be facing other number five players, which made him hesitant. I could see the blend of excitement and anxiety in his eyes. While I encouraged him to seize the opportunity, I also gave him a piece of advice: “Don’t get caught looking over the fence once you get there.”

The Trap of Comparison

When asked what I meant, I explained that falling into the comparison trap is easy. We all do it—comparing our lives, careers, and achievements to those around us. Whether it’s the neighbor’s lawn, a colleague’s promotion, or someone else’s athletic gear, we often measure our worth against others. This mindset is not only distracting but also damaging.

Early in our journeys, it can create an unnecessary feeling of failure. At the same time, it can cultivate a limiting belief later in our journeys, as too many people live in environments based on relative performance. High performance is about going beyond comparative measures and really defining what excellence means to you…

Competing at Your Own Ceiling

This lesson extends beyond sports and into our professional lives. I once had a superintendent question my strategy for attracting out-of-district students. He was dissatisfied that I didn’t have a complex marketing plan ready. My response was simple: “I don’t want to get caught looking over the fence.” Instead of chasing students who weren’t enrolled, I focused on providing the best education possible to those already in our schools. If we did right by them, I believed others would naturally want to join us.

I shared a similar message with Colin before his tournament. He would undoubtedly see other kids with personal coaches, top-tier equipment, and years of experience. But the key was not to compare himself to them. Everyone at the tournament had a different ceiling—some were just happy to be there, while others aimed for the state championship. The goal was for Colin to understand his ceiling and compete as close to it as possible.

Raising the Ceiling and Knowing When to Walk Away

The true measure of success is not how our ceiling compares to others but how close we can come to reaching our own. It’s about having the self-awareness to recognize our potential and the drive to push ourselves to that limit. For Colin, this mindset paid off. He won his first two matches and then faced the number five player in the state—a competitor with a significantly higher ceiling. Colin’s takeaway was inspiring despite losing that match: “I think I was competing close to my ceiling this weekend. Now, I’d like to talk about raising my ceiling!”

The Challenge

Don’t get caught looking over the fence. Living in an environment based on relative performance can be frustrating early on and limiting later. High performance is about going beyond comparative measures and really defining what excellence means to you…Define your excellence!

Part II: “...try harder or walk away…”

This takes us back to the beginning of this post and the original quote, “The hardest decision in life is whether to try harder or walk away.” The most exciting part of leadership is leading change, moving an organization through transformation, and helping others see a potential they never imagined. This week’s post isn’t that message. A later post will discuss leadership, motivating the unmotivated, and helping others see their potential. 

This week, I want to talk about true reflection of potential and performance. We all have a ceiling to our potential and performance. The point of peak performance and competitive excellence is understanding your ceiling and having the internal drive to do everything possible to compete at a level as close to that ceiling as possible. After all, that’s how we push that ceiling further.

So…While the instinctive answer is always to try harder—pushing ourselves beyond perceived limits, grinding through challenges, and striving to achieve our goals—there comes a time in our professional lives when we must confront a different reality. Knowing that the ultimate goal in any endeavor is to operate as close to our ceiling of potential as possible and, ideally, to raise that ceiling continually.

However, this requires a clear-eyed understanding of our surroundings. Sometimes, we find ourselves in situations where our organization or environment has a ceiling lower than our own. In such cases, trying harder may not result in growth but rather in frustration and stagnation.

The true challenge is recognizing when you’ve reached a point where walking away is not a sign of giving up but rather a strategic decision to find an environment that allows you to realize your potential fully. Walking away in these situations isn’t about quitting; it’s about seeking opportunities where your growth is supported, your skills are valued, and your ceiling can be raised even higher. So, while the default should be to try harder, wisdom lies in knowing when to pivot and pursue paths that align with your highest potential.