Being the Driver Rather than the Car
The Power of Self-Reflection
This week’s Newsletter is a re-post of a popular August Stack regarding the power of self-reflection. Given the end of the school year, this provides a an opportune time to rest, relax, and reflect as we head into the powerful summer planning months.
As we all enjoy the Memorial Day Weekend, rest assured i have some great things ready to go next week with regards to what I am reading, listening to, watching, and pondering….
"We do not learn from experience. We learn from reflecting on experience.” - John Dewey
Self-Reflection for High Performers
This past week, I was speaking with one of my mentors. As we prepared for the new year, we discussed our welcome-back messages to our staff. These messages are meant to inspire, reminding our teams of our journey, successes, challenges, and future direction. Sharing our experiences and reflecting on our speeches' impact, it dawned on me just how powerful the art of reflection truly is.
It struck me how impactful this conversation was. It highlighted just how crucial the art of reflection is and how it often sets the highest performers apart from the rest. The British workplace psychologist, speaker, mediator, and author Tony Buon said, “Great leaders develop through a never-ending process of self-study, self-reflection, education, training, and experience.” The ability to engage in self-reflection not only sharpens our skills but also fosters growth and continuous improvement.
Avoiding Self-Reflection Misalignment
This is about how we can appropriately use self-reflection to improve our progress and processes continuously. Too often, self-reflection is used to identify our weaknesses, leading to the dangerous outcome of reducing our self-worth…The actual process of self-reflection is to accurately assess a situation, avoiding negative self-judgment while utilizing judgment as a tool for improvement.
Fix the Car, Don’t Blame the Driver!!!
This is the part!!!
We’ve heard sayings about being the driver, not the car, illustrating the importance of taking control and direction of our lives. However, part of being the driver is understanding what to assess and reflect on.
When we go into a self-reflection phase, we must be sure that we are the drivers focused on fixing the car (or the actual issue). What I mean by this is that people often fall into a negative self-talk trap when assessing a situation. When the check engine light comes on in our car, we don't immediately begin berating ourselves as terrible drivers and identify all of our poor driving skills. We immediately start assessing the car itself, trying to identify the specific issue with the car and how we can fix it. This is how self-reflection should be approached…
Let’s revisit my son’s golf game…He and his coach have had numerous conversations about the art and skill of making a putt, which comes down to three things…every time. It is always about the read, the speed, and getting the ball on the correct line. When he misses a putt, like most golfers, his reaction has often been…”I suck at putting!” Classic blaming the driver and creating negative self-judgment versus positive self-reflection. Let’s focus on fixing the car! Why did he miss the putt? It’s not because he sucks at putting. Was it the read, the speed, or not getting the ball on the correct line? That’s it! By answering that question, we can now create actionable feedback and take steps to correct a miss. This is the importance of fixing the car, not blaming the driver.
This is an easy example that can be applied to the different aspects of our lives that we should self-reflect on.
Moving Forward
In a self-reflection practice, when the positive happens:
Own it!
Celebrate it!
Use the momentum from it!
Let your emotions be a positive here!
When a negative occurs:
Distance yourself from self-judgment
Evaluate the situation like a scientist would investigate a problem
Avoid emotion
Benefits
Self-reflection and focusing on the car rather than the driver have numerous benefits. Suddenly, we can focus on judgment (improvement) rather than self-judgment. As a result, we become much better at receiving and responding to this critical feedback. This will not only improve our outcomes and resilience, but it is also the difference between being down and staying down.
In our fast-paced worlds, pausing and reflecting can illuminate our path forward, guiding us to make more informed decisions and inspire those around us. In these moments of introspection, we find clarity, purpose, and the drive to excel.
Let's embrace the power of reflection. Doing so can elevate our performance, enrich our experiences, and lead with greater wisdom and compassion.